Post by Lady Tatsh on Dec 6, 2008 1:09:12 GMT -6
I am at my wits end
I really am
Everything is frustrating me
my job isn't as lucrative as I usually thought because they won't give me more hours
so my great plans are near impossible to achieve now
And She is...
God, she's being herself...
I don't think she understands how hard it is for me to be away from everything I've known.
She doesn't get a single hint at all... I can't hug my sisters, I can't walk to my friends house to chill when I'm bored
All I have is this room, this laptop, and her.
I can't even get a ****ing hug.
What's more, is her supposed friends keep encouraging me to leave her and go somehwere else to live, but no one understands how hard that is.
I grew up in an abusive home
Emotional, physical, verbal... it's how I grew up
How I was raised.
I don't know how life is without it.
And now living with Her... it's almost like being in the same situation again. I'm not beat, but I feel like I can't say no to anything... and in a way I don't want to deny her anything.
Why? Because I love her so damn much that I want to make her happy in any way possible
But even with doing this she's not happy for long...
I feel drained when I'm alone all day.
It's not like when I was home when I expected Lizzy or Macy to be home in a few hours, or if I was lonely I could call Emily and Emily2 up to go to the "corner" and just hang out and be weird....
I only have Her, and knowing it's like this ...
It hurts so much...
She's at her desk nearby..
I can't tell her any of this...
It'd only irritate her...
I really am
Everything is frustrating me
my job isn't as lucrative as I usually thought because they won't give me more hours
so my great plans are near impossible to achieve now
And She is...
God, she's being herself...
I don't think she understands how hard it is for me to be away from everything I've known.
She doesn't get a single hint at all... I can't hug my sisters, I can't walk to my friends house to chill when I'm bored
All I have is this room, this laptop, and her.
I can't even get a ****ing hug.
What's more, is her supposed friends keep encouraging me to leave her and go somehwere else to live, but no one understands how hard that is.
I grew up in an abusive home
Emotional, physical, verbal... it's how I grew up
How I was raised.
I don't know how life is without it.
And now living with Her... it's almost like being in the same situation again. I'm not beat, but I feel like I can't say no to anything... and in a way I don't want to deny her anything.
Why? Because I love her so damn much that I want to make her happy in any way possible
But even with doing this she's not happy for long...
I feel drained when I'm alone all day.
It's not like when I was home when I expected Lizzy or Macy to be home in a few hours, or if I was lonely I could call Emily and Emily2 up to go to the "corner" and just hang out and be weird....
I only have Her, and knowing it's like this ...
It hurts so much...
She's at her desk nearby..
I can't tell her any of this...
It'd only irritate her...
But hey, we're manic-depressives, if you don't like one emotion, wait a while and another one will come along. ;D ;D ;D