Post by TreeLover on Sept 13, 2008 21:31:32 GMT -6
(Yeah so I don't have a title yet... it needs to be creative and I'm still working on it.... anyway)
Alrighty, I'm in the English 110 this year, and our first paper is coming up, a Personal Narrative. In a sense it is a story, but with a deeper meaning ... sorta.... This is the first version, and I already know of several things that need to be fixed, just thought I'd have you guys have a look over just to see how it is originally... I'll post the updated version later this week...
I'm sure you guys already know about this story... I just need some advice as to how it's written.... Ms. Johnston is being pretty lenient on this one... it being a personal narrative and all... so it doesn't have to stay within essay constrictions... but she hates cliches so if you find any let me know!!!
Be warned, it's long!!!
A quiet two lane road with small, weathered houses stationed to one side. Trees taking up guard on the opposite flank, a variety of sizes, shapes, and types all woven together to protect those that made the brush their home. A private field of vibrant green bean plants grew snug in a humble plot of land, shielded from harsh weather. A trickle of a creek disappearing into the deep shades of a thick growth of trees. Continuing over old railroad tracks, the sturdy timbers curving out of sight around a hill, the road wove around the edge of a field where wild turkeys were often found flocked together, tall trees creating a sense of solitude for them as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.
You wouldn’t even imagine such a place was only down the street from a bustling shopping district.
The memory of this road is one from my not to distant past, one of my favorite places drive through. It reminded me that my city still held on to its roots; the small family farms, the country roads, undisturbed wildlife. It was a short run, but all the same, I enjoyed the journey down it. This reminiscence, however, is not where my thoughts lay now, this image is no longer there. Destroyed, like so many good things are.
Three years ago, the construction of a new hospital began. The turkeys’ roaming ground was quickly buried under a mountain of bedrock, taken from the hill above in an attempt to level it. The forest cut down, field grass dug up from moving machines, turning the whole area into a scar upon the earth.
I ranted. I raged. I fumed. Had I known what was to come, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted my energy in being so angry over it. As it was, I was furious. There was no need to make all that habitat disappear, to rid ourselves of the natural beauty of old trees that could have been easily saved, even for landscaping for the new hospital. How hard would it have been to save just a couple?
No one asked me.
A few years passed, things cooled down, and I came to terms with the destruction. Even finding joy as I noticed the earth overtaking the rock mountain, new green life growing over the hard gray surface. It seemed though, that they weren’t quite done with ‘improvements’. The first I heard of it was through my mother. She had come through that way earlier that day, witnessing the terrible crime. I was appalled at what I heard, but in the back of my mind I didn’t really believe that actually happened (at least to the degree that she had described).
How wrong I was.
The little green field was gone, in its place was a dusty field. Large, yellow machines moving, kicking up even more of the dry earth. Sentinels uprooted, their wards scattered and homeless. Limbs were broken and ravaged with such ferocity, it looked less than a construction site, and more like a place of slaughter. No longer was it a quiet, two lane road. The small houses looking out of place among the busy movement of the monstrosities.
I ranted. I raged. I fumed. I cried.
If I was furious before, I was now livid. Such reckless, useless destruction. What made it worse was there didn’t seem to be any organization of the new roads going in. As one area seemed to be cleared and pressed for a road, another would be started, going a different way. There seemed to be three streets all going in at weird angles, and no sense could be found. Then something happened to further push me. I found that they were building a bridge, higher than any tree had been. There had not been any reason to get rid of all those trees.
No one asked me.
No, no one asked me what I thought, what I thought would be the best way to plan these ‘improvements’, even though I was sure I knew the correct way. Through the whole episode my friends and I had talked about how we were going to protest this and that. Make signs, get a group together. I had even stated that I would get in contact with the city planner.
We never did try. I never did try getting contact.
Too often are words spoken, but never acted upon. Too often people find something blocking their way to act. Too often are there worthy causes ignored because of selfish needs.
~Okay, so it wasn't that long XD
~The ending cuts off really bad, I just needed to get the thing finished (it was the night before it was due) so I need to think of a way to finish it off correctly... still thinking on it.
~I look back on it and think "God that sucks...." and I realize there was a ton that was improved after this draft.... I'll hurry to get it finished and up here.
~I need help with the very beginning line... it's not working out how I want it.... any help you guys can give would be wonderful ^^
Alrighty, I'm in the English 110 this year, and our first paper is coming up, a Personal Narrative. In a sense it is a story, but with a deeper meaning ... sorta.... This is the first version, and I already know of several things that need to be fixed, just thought I'd have you guys have a look over just to see how it is originally... I'll post the updated version later this week...
I'm sure you guys already know about this story... I just need some advice as to how it's written.... Ms. Johnston is being pretty lenient on this one... it being a personal narrative and all... so it doesn't have to stay within essay constrictions... but she hates cliches so if you find any let me know!!!
Be warned, it's long!!!
A quiet two lane road with small, weathered houses stationed to one side. Trees taking up guard on the opposite flank, a variety of sizes, shapes, and types all woven together to protect those that made the brush their home. A private field of vibrant green bean plants grew snug in a humble plot of land, shielded from harsh weather. A trickle of a creek disappearing into the deep shades of a thick growth of trees. Continuing over old railroad tracks, the sturdy timbers curving out of sight around a hill, the road wove around the edge of a field where wild turkeys were often found flocked together, tall trees creating a sense of solitude for them as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.
You wouldn’t even imagine such a place was only down the street from a bustling shopping district.
The memory of this road is one from my not to distant past, one of my favorite places drive through. It reminded me that my city still held on to its roots; the small family farms, the country roads, undisturbed wildlife. It was a short run, but all the same, I enjoyed the journey down it. This reminiscence, however, is not where my thoughts lay now, this image is no longer there. Destroyed, like so many good things are.
Three years ago, the construction of a new hospital began. The turkeys’ roaming ground was quickly buried under a mountain of bedrock, taken from the hill above in an attempt to level it. The forest cut down, field grass dug up from moving machines, turning the whole area into a scar upon the earth.
I ranted. I raged. I fumed. Had I known what was to come, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted my energy in being so angry over it. As it was, I was furious. There was no need to make all that habitat disappear, to rid ourselves of the natural beauty of old trees that could have been easily saved, even for landscaping for the new hospital. How hard would it have been to save just a couple?
No one asked me.
A few years passed, things cooled down, and I came to terms with the destruction. Even finding joy as I noticed the earth overtaking the rock mountain, new green life growing over the hard gray surface. It seemed though, that they weren’t quite done with ‘improvements’. The first I heard of it was through my mother. She had come through that way earlier that day, witnessing the terrible crime. I was appalled at what I heard, but in the back of my mind I didn’t really believe that actually happened (at least to the degree that she had described).
How wrong I was.
The little green field was gone, in its place was a dusty field. Large, yellow machines moving, kicking up even more of the dry earth. Sentinels uprooted, their wards scattered and homeless. Limbs were broken and ravaged with such ferocity, it looked less than a construction site, and more like a place of slaughter. No longer was it a quiet, two lane road. The small houses looking out of place among the busy movement of the monstrosities.
I ranted. I raged. I fumed. I cried.
If I was furious before, I was now livid. Such reckless, useless destruction. What made it worse was there didn’t seem to be any organization of the new roads going in. As one area seemed to be cleared and pressed for a road, another would be started, going a different way. There seemed to be three streets all going in at weird angles, and no sense could be found. Then something happened to further push me. I found that they were building a bridge, higher than any tree had been. There had not been any reason to get rid of all those trees.
No one asked me.
No, no one asked me what I thought, what I thought would be the best way to plan these ‘improvements’, even though I was sure I knew the correct way. Through the whole episode my friends and I had talked about how we were going to protest this and that. Make signs, get a group together. I had even stated that I would get in contact with the city planner.
We never did try. I never did try getting contact.
Too often are words spoken, but never acted upon. Too often people find something blocking their way to act. Too often are there worthy causes ignored because of selfish needs.
~Okay, so it wasn't that long XD
~The ending cuts off really bad, I just needed to get the thing finished (it was the night before it was due) so I need to think of a way to finish it off correctly... still thinking on it.
~I look back on it and think "God that sucks...." and I realize there was a ton that was improved after this draft.... I'll hurry to get it finished and up here.
~I need help with the very beginning line... it's not working out how I want it.... any help you guys can give would be wonderful ^^